A common question from parents going through a parenting allocation (f/k/a custody) dispute is: “At what age can my child decide who they want to live with?”

The short answer is that a child cannot make that decision for themselves at any age, but that doesn’t mean their voice isn’t heard. So much depends on the child’s level of maturity and reasoning as to why they want to be with a particular parent.

Courts will likely consider a child’s preferences as part of a larger “best interests of the child” analysis. What does this look like in practice? A court may give more serious consideration to what the child wants if the child can articulate and justify those reasons.  Merely saying it’s what he/she wants to will not suffice…nor will a child’s preference to live with the “easier parent” meaning, where the rules are easier, they have a car there, etc.

In contrast, a child’s thoughtful reasoning may have a strong impact, especially without parental pressure, manipulation, bribery, or coaching. A child’s voice will likely be heard through a GAL (guardian ad litem) or Child’s Representative. These roles are generally filled by attorneys who act as the “eyes and ears” of the court.

It is crucial to remember that a child’s input is just one factor among many. The court looks at the whole picture: how the child is doing in each home, their bond with each parent, how well each parent supports the child’s emotional and developmental needs, the child’s school life, and safety concerns or signs of pressure from either side.

Ultimately, the goal is always to do what is best for the child—not simply follow the child’s stated preference. Studies are clear: children can thrive through a divorce if the parents can reduce conflict and act in the child’s best interests. Ideally the child will never have to be aware of any conflict related to them or be placed in the position of needing to state a preference of where they would like to spend more time.

 

Beth F. McCormack, Equity Partner

For more on Ms. McCormack, please visit https://beermannlaw.com/team/beth-f-mccormack.