What is Nesting?
Nesting in the context of a divorce or separation is a transitional arrangement when the children stay in the family home on a temporary basis while the parents rotate in and out of the residence pursuant to a nesting and/or parenting time schedule. In some cases, the parents may secure additional housing that they share and occupy when they are “child-free” and not nesting at the family home. In other cases, the parents lack the financial resources to secure an additional residence and have access to a friend’s or family’s home where they stay rent free when they are not nesting.
Why Consider Nesting?
Nesting may offer benefits to the children while also offering financial benefits to the parents, when successful. The child centered goals associated with nesting include providing the children with time to adjust to the changes in the family. While the family dynamic changes, a nesting schedule allows the children to stay at home in their same room, same bed, and same school while having continued access to their friends, neighbors, and community. Maintaining the children in the family home during divorce or separation often provides the children with a sense of comfort and security during a time of substantial change and uncertainty.
When successful, nesting allows the parents the ability to separate and decrease conflict in the presence of the children while providing the parents with time to plan for the future. One of the major decisions in a divorce is whether one of the parents will continue to reside in the family home or if the family home will be sold. This determination often occurs after the parties have an agreement on parenting issues and other issues have been resolved. These issues include but are not limited to the amount of child and/or spousal support to be paid and/or received and/or the allocation of assets or debts. A nesting schedule provides time for the parties to decide without committing to a house purchase or long-term rental.
Considerations when Contemplating Nesting?
You and your spouse’s ability to establish boundaries and abide by them are essential considerations when exploring the possibility of nesting. Such boundaries may include defining what areas of the family home or the additional residence are accessible by both parties and what areas are “off limits.” Other issues may arise regarding groceries and use of personal property. You may need to address if groceries are a shared expense or if the purchase of food and beverages are the responsibility of the consumer. You may consider whether one or both of you will be responsible for household chores such as laundry, caring for pets, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage, shoveling the snow, or ensuring necessary repairs are timely addressed. You may agree to allow or prohibit others such as friends, family, or significant others from staying at the additional residence with the child free spouse while the other is nesting at the marital home.
Parents eager to separate to reduce conflict and minimize the transition for the children envision nesting as a favorable option. Yet, the arrangement works only in limited situations. The success of nesting depends on the individual circumstances of each family including the ability of the parents to communicate and respect one another as they continue to parent the children in the family’s shared personal space even though they are not present at the same time.
If you are exploring whether a nesting arrangement may work for your family or is better left for the birds, we are here to help.
Brooke I. Golding, Partner
For more on Ms. Golding, please visit:
www.beermannlaw.com/team/brooke-i-golding.
